pixiepienix:

look at this fragile delicate flower of a man look at how precarious his value and identity is wonder at the marvel that is masculinity

pishposhspice:

my roommate is 2 days younger than me so i’ve gotten into the habit of saying “when i was your age..” and then describing what i did 2 days ago

xtremecaffeine:

bootses:

missvoltairine:

"Don’t take ~chemicals~ like prozac, I heard you can get the same effect by eating 19 oranges a day, that’s only 570 oranges a month!!!"

"Yeah I know you have horrible panic attacks but like, have you tried yoga?"

"Yeah I understand depression completely stops you from doing everyday tasks AND that you then feel guilty about that… But you have to just power through it and get on with things as normal!"

everythingcanadian:

"feel my leg, I just shaved."

(Source: awakemysoul2355)

  • me reading fanfic: this better be NC17 and be drowning in hearteyes and vomiting romance rainbows, or it can gtfo.
  • me watching tv/movies: if this develops a romance plot I'm outta here.

is-earned-not-given:

sultana-bran:

jesselaceypanties:

whose dog is it?

It’s not a dog it’s a kangaroo

99% sure that’s not a kangaroo

(Source: tastefullyoffensive)

boots-n-cats:

my-stereo-heart-beats-for-you:

viergacht:

karensrnith:

"this baby came out of you but im not 100% sure its yours"

Funny thing - a woman who applied for welfare after her husband left her hadto supply DNA evidence he was actually the father. The results: he was definitely the father, but she wasn’t the mother. Her children were removed from her custody and she was sued for fraud, even though she insisted they were her children. 

Turns out, she wasn’t a surrogate or a kidnapper (the two most obvious explanations) - she was a chimera. As an embryo, she fused at a very early stage with her twin, forming one individual. Her ovaries apparently developed from cells that had originally belonged to her vanished twin. Later on more tests showed that while the woman’s skin and hair DNA did not match her childrens, DNA taken from her cervix did. 

WHAT THE FUCk

This went from stupid to really interesting in point 5 seconds.